LIVity

In last week's post, The Universe Speaks: Part I, I told you all about how I was finally able to relax in this life by embracing my faith.  And how I felt confirmed in this belief because of a Facebook post on my newsfeed with a Bible verse that spoke about peace coming through faith.  But I didn't tell you about my second encounter with that still, small [online] voice.

A couple of days after the scripture came across my Facebook feed, I was reading an unrelated Huffington Post article which led me to my new favorite YouTube channel, Soul Pancake.  It's made up of scientific studies on positivity whose findings are demonstrated in life situations.

One of the first videos that showed up on the page with this one titled What's Stopping You From Achieving Your Goals? The video talks about how when most people are asked to give a reason why they don't follow their dream, one of the top responses is, "fear."

"You have two choices: you have fear and you have faith"

So basically I'm back to that scary place I was about three years ago, trying to let go of the fear of  not being in control of everything.  But this time, instead of trying to fabricate a sense of newfound freedom by enjoying the ride, I've filled the void left by fear with faith.

~ With ♥ from Halima

Like I imagine most people do, I get in ruts where I feel I'm not making any life progress.  And I get caught alternating between pushing to make something happen and a state of exhaustion and desolation.

I'm guilty of spending countless days in my room, blinds drawn in hopes that if the world would just stop so my lack of movement wouldn't matter. Or of spending days sleeping, desperately trying to escape.  And in between these depressed states, I pray.  I pray because I was always taught that if I ask, and it's His will, it will be given to me.

I've been asking, but not only have my requests not been granted, but it seems they haven't even been rejected to be replaced by something more in line with what I need.  You know the age-old adage about not getting what you want because something better may be coming.

So I've recently gotten to the point where I'm questioning God. Asking him if he's forgotten about me.  Wondering why, in the past, he didn't answer my prayers when doing so could only be good for all parties involved.  Working myself up over not getting things I consider to be not too selfish.  Working myself up. 

And then I had an epiphany that if I'm not getting answers, maybe it's because I'm not asking the right questions.  Cliché, right?? I sound like a retro, King Fu movie.  But I changed my prayers despite being embarrassed of my Columbus-like discovery of basic knowledge.  I changed them to not only be direct in asking for what I'd like, but to also ask for the wisdom to know when God was speaking to spirit and guiding me towards His path. 

Then I ran across a Facebook post about faith being the only source of real peace.  It resonated, but I didn't realize how much so until I started relaxing.  This is kind of scary for me because I never relax. So subconsciously I began to think about how I could sabotage this feeling.  But once I caught myself, I starting thinking about what I did to make myself relax so I could hold on to this feeling.  What I realized is that I held on to my faith. 

And then I realized that I got just what I asked for, the wisdom to know when God was talking.  Whether he speaks through a Facebook post or some live-changing-event, he was still talking. It's the little things, right?? 

So I had to share my moment of enlightenment, but of  course, I couldn't find the verse that spoke to me.  Instead, I found John 14:27 which is along the same lines - peace can only come from above. 


Next week, part two of my latest "aha moment." Until then, peace and blessings ;-)

~ With ♥ from Halima

In the process of making art, do you fall in love with the tools for creation or with the resulting piece of work? I ask because I was reading How to Attract More Love In Your Life. an article by Mommy Noire, and ran across this:

"We are all moved by human drama."

I didn't think much of it until later when I started thinking about the people I've known over the course of my life.  People who have bonded with me over a specific trauma, but are absent in other areas of my life. What allows us to align with the negative experiences that shape a person, but not necessarily feel the person that emerges from the experience?

Empathy? Lack of facts? Maybe.

Or maybe Michelangelo's famous quote applies to humans as well.

“Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it” 

Since I've been reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, I've been thinking about parts of my personality I've always thought were shaped by life events. For instance, I attributed my reserved nature to my learning that, there are some things you just don't talk about. But looking back, I realize I was always shy.  Always the toddler peaking out from behind my mom's legs.  So yea, life situations may have enhanced my reluctance, but the statue inside of me was always there so to speak.

And I'm assuming others are like this as well.  The tools or experiences that shape someone else - no matter how much they resemble situations I've been through - will not produce the same result because their inner statue is fundamentally different.

So yea, I can offer advice and my advice may actually get someone through a life season, but it may not necessarily produce a kindred spirit. And that's okay.  We're all masterpieces in our own right.

~ With ♥ from Halima

Last week when I ran across the story of Lennon Lacy, a young man found hanged near his home in North Carolina, I was overcome by so much sadness.  Stories of people losing their lives or going missing without much mass, public outrage have become more and more common. Is this what our society has come to? The value of life has been so diminished we think it's okay to numb ourselves to stories such as this?

And even worse than public response is police response.  One of the main sticking points of this story is Lacy's family continually mentioning how excited he was for the start of football season in the face of authorities being ready to write this off as a suicide.  Last time I checked, people who are preparing to commit suicide tie up loose ends, they normally don't display excitement over starting new endeavors.

This story struck close to home because I've personally known a family whose 20-something son was found hanging from the loft in his condo.  The police ruled his death suicide as well even though things surrounding his death did not add up.  One example was two wine glasses found at the scene -  the young man did not drink.  Even if he did drink, the second glass suggests someone else was at his home around at the time of his death.  So, either someone else caused it or at the very least, they have information on events leading up to the time of his death. But police never even looked into finding that other person.

The difference between this young man's story and Lacy's story is the latter was romantically involved with a white woman while living in a community that is admittedly unfriendly to minorities.  I'd love to know what really happened with Lacy, but because it doesn't look like his death will ever be seriously investigated, all I can say is, this sounds like a dead ringer for a repeat of Emmett Till's story. This terrifies me as I move forward in my adult life and consider marriage and a family.  I'd love to give my future husband a son, but nearly 60 years after Till, I can't believe part of my life plans are troubled by the same issues my ancestors faced - how to raise a boy child in a world where his life unfortunately holds little value. And this is the true cost of inhumanity and subsequent disregard - people not being able to fully live their lives for fear of losing them.

~With ♥ from Halima

Do you think there is a resurgence of unchecked violence in our nation or do you think it is simply receiving more media (whether mainstream or social) attention? Why do you think either or both are happening at this point in time?

Listen, I firmly believe that if a person does something wrong he or she should be punished in hopes of correcting behavior. I even think part of the lesson should involve a portion of the financial burden of doing so falling on the person who did the crime. What I don't agree with is people getting rich off of poor families and calling it justice. Because let's be honest, poor criminals go to prison while rich ones get probation and move on to find new ways of exploiting our consumerist society. And this JPay scam falls right in line with that; they're the real criminals here.

~With ♥ from Halima

What do think it will take for this country to reverse the trend of gaining riches at the expense of the less fortunate?

Last night I watched Cesar Millan's National Geographic documentary titled Love My Pit Bull and really, it couldn't have come on at a better time. See, Cesar Millan was discussing the history of Pit Bulls and how a host of high-profile, negative incidents related to bad training, have resulted in an adverse, public perception of them.

This show aired only hours after I had to speak up for Nellie, my pit bull. My boyfriend and I were going out to dinner yesterday and decided because it was a beautiful day, we'd find a restaurant with a patio so we could bring Nellie. Unfortunately, not long after we were seated, it started raining. The restuarant manager was able to relocate us to a table, still on the patio, that was under an awning. As my boyfriend got up to get Nellie, I started gathering our things. That's when I heard the man seated at the table behind us say to his friend, "Is that one of those dogs that rips children's faces off." At first I tried to let the comment roll off me, but it wasn't long before my mama bear instinct kicked in. (I was surprised and pleased with my reaction because as many of you who have been following my blog for some time know, I've been working on establishing and enforcing my personal boundaries. This was definitely a huge achievement for me.) As I stood up to move, I turned around and said, "She actually loves children and is a very friendly dog." After watching Love My Pit Bull, I wish I had said more. See, in the documentary Cesar Millan said, despite how people humanize most dogs, pit bulls aren't usually given this same luxury - have no one to give them a voice. This made me wish I had told that jerk Nellie's name, so she would become more than just a pit bull and he'd know she is loved the same as any fluffy, lap dog. And I wish I had told him how much she loves everything and everybody...including ignorant people who think it's okay to judge others' characters based on appearances. But most of all I just wish people would keep their prejudices to themselves.

~With ♥ from Halima

Have you or something you love every been judged based on something superficial?? How did you handle the situation??

About a year and half ago, I began allowing the relaxer to grow out of my hair.  This is the second time in my adult life that I've gone through this process. The first time, I was in college and everything was easier; from making it through the awkward, half natural-half relaxed, transitional phase gracefully with the help of headwraps - to others', for lack of a better word, acceptance of my hair. I was fortunate that the only reaction I received was something akin to awe from professional, black women who expressed a common wish of being able to rock their natural hair at work while remaining respected. Being in an academic environment where everybody accepted everything, I couldn't understand this desire until recently.

Since beginning my latest hair transformation, I've been put in at least two very awkward situations. The first came when frequent CNN contributor Michaela Angela Davis appeared on our office's TV screen to weigh in on a subject. The first thing that flew out of one of my coworker's mouth was how she didn't like Ms. Davis'hair:


Possibly realizing her mistep, she seemed to try to validate her statement by asking me what I thought. I stood there cognizant of every wave and curl on my head, told her I never judge people on their personal preferences and walked away furious.

My second incident occurred when a young man I don't work with directly, but who shares office space with my office passed me in the hallway and asked if I ever straighten my hair. Why is this his or anybody's business??

But as the Michaela Angela Davis incident with my coworker proved, you can be an authority in your field, but if you don't conform to Western beauty standards you can be deemed incapable. This then seems to give people the pass they need to overstep boundaries. I mean, obviously you don't know better and are in need their input, right??

A wider-reaching example of this is the recent case with Navy Sailor Jessica Sims, pictured at the top of this post. Ms. Sims was honorably discharged from the Navy for refusing to cut her dreadlocks or cover them with a wig. I understand the need for military regulations, but I also agree with Ms. Sims that the only difference between her bun and a regulation bun is her choice to lock the hair contained in the style. Also, it's telling that she wore her hair like this for 12 years with no repercussion until she changed commands and someone made it their business.

It's 2014 and I feel crazy having to say this, but the countless number of people who have said it before me haven't been heard, so I'll say it again - Hair choices are nobody's business but the person on whose head they reside. And yes, this statement includes black women. This though society would have us believe every decision we make about our hair is a statement and therefore public property open for discourse.

The first time I went natural, it was more of a spiritual decision. I relaxed it again purely to flip up my style. And I'm went natural this time because my hair began falling out in patches due to stress - part of the autoimmune disease I was diagnosed with over a year ago. At that time, I decided it was better to protect scalp from chemicals than worry about what my hair looked like. (Things have improved for me and as my hair has been growing back, I've been focused on loving every curly, untame tuft.) The point is, people make decisions for different reasons and outsiders may never know the logic behind them. I don't expect others to understand or even, in some cases, accept these decisions, but I do ask for tolerance. I give this to cultural aspects woven into others' lives that I may not understand and I don't think it's too much to ask to get it in return. Let's stop focusing on our differences and make tolerance everyone's business.

~ With ♥ from Halima

Have you had an experience when someone made an unsolicited comment about your personal decisions?? How did you handle the situation??

The other day, I was flipping through my September issue of Essence when an article titled Selfie Nation caught my eye.  Though I've taken a selfie or two in my day, I'm not a huge fan of the practice. But, this article still managed to strike a nerve with me. Especially this quote by psychologist Dr. Karen Streeter,

Black women have suffered a lot of attacks on our self-esteem...when you experience that you can develop a need for positive reinforcement on a regular basis.  

Although I agree that this can be the case with some women, I truly dislike studies like this because they create blanket theories.

First, I understand Essence is a magazine for black women, but by singling out this group, the theory seems to say, if a black woman posts a selfie it's something deeply psychological that needs to be studied, while if a member of any other group posts a selfie, it's simply another way to document life.

Second, it overlooks the subgroups within the black woman category.  There are those that take selfies because they're having fun, or they like the way they put their look together that day, or they may be, dare I say, a little stuck on themselves.

Lastly, it ignores the fact that though many black women are hard workers, by nature of our ethnicity AND gender, most of us have not been able to secure the same wages as peers of other groups who do the same work.  This means, we're unable to lead lifestyles that the mainstream apparently regards as selfie-worthy.  In taking photos of our lives, perhaps it should be considered more of a testament to what we've been blessed with than as some sort of cry for help.

By overlooking these, Dr. Streeter adds yet another innocuous item to the list of things it's socially unacceptable for black women to do.

So, although it's annoying to see the same faces streaming across my timeline day-after-day, ladies, if you're doing it for the right reasons, keep those selfies coming.  Because I do agree with Alisha Tillery, the author of Selfie Nation when she says,

Selfies provide an opportunity to exhibit self-love and create our own communities in which our standards of beauty can live and be accepted.

~ With ♥ from Halima

What do you all think of Selfie Nation?  When you see selfies in your newsfeed do you think there's an underlying message the poster is sending or do you think it's another way for them to stay connected?