Like I imagine most people do, I get in ruts where I feel I'm not making any life progress. And I get caught alternating between pushing to make something happen and a state of exhaustion and desolation.
I'm guilty of spending countless days in my room, blinds drawn in hopes that if the world would just stop so my lack of movement wouldn't matter. Or of spending days sleeping, desperately trying to escape. And in between these depressed states, I pray. I pray because I was always taught that if I ask, and it's His will, it will be given to me.
I've been asking, but not only have my requests not been granted, but it seems they haven't even been rejected to be replaced by something more in line with what I need. You know the age-old adage about not getting what you want because something better may be coming.
So I've recently gotten to the point where I'm questioning God. Asking him if he's forgotten about me. Wondering why, in the past, he didn't answer my prayers when doing so could only be good for all parties involved. Working myself up over not getting things I consider to be not too selfish. Working myself up.
And then I had an epiphany that if I'm not getting answers, maybe it's because I'm not asking the right questions. Cliché, right?? I sound like a retro, King Fu movie. But I changed my prayers despite being embarrassed of my Columbus-like discovery of basic knowledge. I changed them to not only be direct in asking for what I'd like, but to also ask for the wisdom to know when God was speaking to spirit and guiding me towards His path.
Then I ran across a Facebook post about faith being the only source of real peace. It resonated, but I didn't realize how much so until I started relaxing. This is kind of scary for me because I never relax. So subconsciously I began to think about how I could sabotage this feeling. But once I caught myself, I starting thinking about what I did to make myself relax so I could hold on to this feeling. What I realized is that I held on to my faith.
And then I realized that I got just what I asked for, the wisdom to know when God was talking. Whether he speaks through a Facebook post or some live-changing-event, he was still talking. It's the little things, right??
So I had to share my moment of enlightenment, but of course, I couldn't find the verse that spoke to me. Instead, I found John 14:27 which is along the same lines - peace can only come from above.
Next week, part two of my latest "aha moment." Until then, peace and blessings ;-)
~ With ♥ from Halima